remembering my dad
For last few days, I could not write anything on twitter or blog. Working in front of computer became a pain. because after the death of my dad Mr. N.K. Kaushal, working alone in front of computer seems a waste of time. There are lots of questions about life, relationships, and death.
But after 18 days, I am now in a state to write something about him. He died due to Motor neuron degeneration. even though his death was expected, we could not come to terms with it. Doctors had told us that there is no treatment for MND, but it seems that we were in denial so we tried any alternative treatment that we found. So we tried multi vitamins, homeopathy, ayurveda, and any other treatment. But nothing worked, and he died on the morning of 2nd December 2010.
To an extend he chose the time of his death, because he refused any intervention that could prolong his life and suffering. Doctors had suggested a feeding tube because he could not swallow, and ventilator because breathing became difficult. But he chose no medical intervention and died in his sleep.
If we think rationally, it seems that his death was a good thing for him, as any intervention could only prolong his troubles, and as there is no treatment for MND, prolonging his life could only prolong his troubles. In spite of all the facts, we are not able to accept his departure. We want to get in touch with him, talk to him, and we know that it is not going to happen.
So the only thing that I can do now, is to remember his life as he lived. He basically lived a life in which he tried not to hurt anyone. And I think he succeeded in that mission. He was not a person who would go to temples, because he always believed that going to temple is only a first step in spirituality. according to him, temple is a tool to realize god, and people who realize god respect others life. Often he pointed out paradox in people who would go to temples and do lots of puja but would deceive or trouble others. He always tried to live as he believed, and followed the principle of preaching by actions rather than words.
Another important thing about him is that he never tried to force us in to any profession. He discussed with us various pros and cons about various professions, but always said that don’t fret too much. He pointed out various examples for people who didn’t do very well in the beginning of their careers, but attained success later. Then he pointed out reverse examples as well, in which people were very successful in the start but lost their way later. So he suggested that try your best and leave it on god.
An interesting thing is that he was not afraid of dying. But he never supported suicide. He wanted to be in army because he was not afraid of death, but he never wanted to hurt anyone. He also believed in taking care of once responsibilities, so after he got married, he avoided risky activities.
It seems impossible to live the way he did, but for us most important lesson is to respect others and try not to hurt anyone.